On a humid Queensland summer night under the Southern Cross
The diesel train obeys the red light piercing though the fog
The drivers rack a line of coke and get to talken dirty
The cargo bound for Melbourne Zoo the time just past three thirty
Creatures of all types big and small stolen from the bush
Soon they’ll be on display for heaps of cunts to have a look

Suddenly the Southern Cross seemed to boil in the sky
It turned blood red the drivers can’t believe their fucken eyes
Three beams of light blasted down like a rum and coke shit
It shook the ground around the train and carried on like a fuckwit

The train was hit harder than a backpacker’s pussy on a boat with Alby Mangels
The air became dense with the logical smell of triangles

An hour passed, the drivers woke and stumbled to their feet
All around them out of the darkness red eyes and gnashing teeth
A quick glance down the train line all the carriages are torn apart
The giant shadows rose over them one driver had a fucking shart
He turned his head torch on “I knew this run was cursed”
Then a sixteen foot tall platypus ate him arsehole first
The other driver shit himself and tried to fucken run
But he found himself pinned to the cab by a nine hundred kilo blue tongue

Cheer up cunt fucker we’ll let ya live if ya take us to the place
where there’s the most cunts in Australia
Ok mate, most of us are in Melbourne that’s where we’re fucking going
Well let’s get going or I’ll use you to give me mate echidna here a back rub

The driver pushed forward though the night
He thought he’d lost his mind
He top shelved seven No-Dozes (up his arse) and hurtled down the line
The train arrived at Flinders Street early in the morning
The city of Melbourne was about to change forever without a fucken warning

People drank their skinny lattes and spoke of emotional pain
While the mutant outback animals broke the fuck out of that train
A giant wombat ate a lawyer vaping on the corner
A flock of cycling hipsters brang a salty to the slaughter

The Melbourne streets flowed with blood the city overrun
The outback monsters were diverse they were eatin fucking everyone

A twenty foot tall kangaroo put a barista in her pouch
Then smashed a window and punched a feminist writing a blog on her couch
The outback military arrived and the war had just begun
Orders were given by General Micko “the mad cunt” Maddison
The diggers fought their hearts out many lives were lost
But they couldn’t pin these fuckers down
This was Straya’s holocaust
Micko “the mad cunt” Maddison got PM Poon on the blower
“Davo, we better do something before these fuckers fuck us over”

“Fuck mate I reckon we’ve got a weapon that might just save our town.
We’ve had it lying dormant under the Melbourne Fucken Cricket Ground.
But we need someone to drive it, or Austraya will be sorry”
“Are you thinkin who I’m thinkin” “Yeah, fucken BORRY!”

Flame Angels got the call “Borry get here quick!”
He had a T bone steak and packed up his dick
He fanged he truck through the chaos crushing victim’s bones
He made it there in no time and still punched fifteen cones

The Melbourne Cricket Ground opened up and it rose from its den
Borry took one look at it “Fuck me! It’s rise of the red claw. Again!”
A semi pumped liqud meth into the seventy story high mud crab
Borry sat on a milk crate and drank a slab
Then he grabbed Gemima and jumped on red claw’s back
He shot two holes in the crab’s thick shell and anchored with his ball sack

Then off they went through the streets gettin it fucking done
Killing all the outback monsters all of them but one
A sixty foot koala pissed in red claw’s mouth

Borry’s ball bag lost its grip and he tumbled to the ground
The koala lined up Borry and went to piss with all its might
But then red claw unleashed a giant crab shit and set the stink bear alight

Borry looked up at red claw “Cheers cunt. Go back to Darwin
and pop in the mud.”
Red claw walked into the sunset as the Melbourne people cheered
Borry got back in his truck farted twice and twisted off a long beer

The city off Melbourne was rebuilt and the people came together
And from that day on Straya will never forget
THE SICKEST CUNT EVER!